I could stamp my forehead

The circus was fabulous. We helped the first half by running the door and did our act at the beginning of intermission. Now just so there is no confusion the audience was still there, it was just a time when there were acts not involving circus members (our act) and some numbers with only one person to allow for change times and to break up the show into chunks. The audience loved us with many a hoot and holler even at parts Bree and I both didn't think would be funny. The circus invited us back anytime and labeled us honorary members(of a circus!). Bree heard from our friend in the circus that a number of people did not think we did a drag act(meaning they thought I was really a man) including our friends mother who met me and shook my hand! We had many a compliment as we sat back and enjoyed the rest of the show. Bree was fabulous. A perfect partner on stage. All in all the experience was one to be remembered. We are talking now about other potential acts.
The doctor on the other hand was lame. We waited an hour and half for a five minute doctors appointment. The conclusion was complicated. My level of some hormone(the one responsible for milk production) is up but not high enough to warrant an MRI to check for a tumor. I could have a very small tumor said my doctor which would grow and raise my hormone level. If not I just have a random fluctuation. Either way I have to wait three to six months and then have my hormone level checked again(by drawing blood oh joy). At that point either the hormone level will have gone down to normal(did not sound likely), the level will be the same and I will need to go on a pill to reduce it or I may become infertile, or the level will have risen and I may have a tumor on my pituitary gland. The doctor who was very nice told me several signs to watch out for that could be effects of a tumor such as loss of peripheral vision and spaced out or no periods(mine have been very spaced out at one time going almost three months without one).
So I received a big fat "wait three months" and some more awkward "are you sexually active?", "yes? then why aren't you on birth control!?!" questions. I wish(and I have said this many times but it is worth repeating) they could stamp "LESBIAN" in giant letters on my medical record. I don't know how many times a nurse or doctor has found out I am sexually active and have a partner and then for a few brief moments has been baffled at the fact I don't use birth control. Like I am a spawn of hell. When I interrupt their inquiries into my usage of condoms with a "my partner is a woman" then it takes a second or two for the brain to catch up and proceed to click into place as they smile, awkwardly nod or grunt at my admission. I have told this story many times but never in blog form and when Bree reads this she can just skip over it because she must be sick of it by now...
I went to Urgent Health Care for a UTI. I was stressed, in the worst pain of my life and accompanied by my mother. This was uncomfortable to say the least and furthered because when I told my mother about my problem I immediately burst into tears(something I am not apt to doing around my mother). Considering that a female teacher once described a UTI as feeling like "peeing razors" and was completely accurate in that description, I wanted to die. So I go in with my mother and see a doctor. A portly fellow who poked here and there then started asking me questions. He began with "Have you had sex recently?" My first thought was "Do women count?" I decided they probably did not and because I certainly hadn't with men (nor women for that matter) I could go ahead and say "No." The problem was I had taken about a minute to answer the question of "Have you had sex recently?" while my mother was in the room. So I said "No" and he kinda looked from my mother to myself then said "Would you like your mother to leave the room?" and to this I adamantly said "No." It was obvious that had I said "Yes" the answer to the question on whether I had recently had sex or not would also be "Yes." That just wasn't true. He then replies with are very obvious lift at the end of his sentence "Are you sure....?" and my mother with no amount of grace says "She thinks she is a lesbian." These were her exact words. I was fourteen and it was the first time she had said out loud that I was gay...in a condescending tone... in front of a doctor... while I was in extreme pain. He then quickly wrote me a prescription and we left.
Today I say proudly that my partner is a woman and mother just adores her so I am finally able to laugh at that fourteen year old who so badly wanted to disappear. Though I say it with pride I still wish there was a way around time and time again explaining why I am not on birth control other than blurting it out right when I am confronted with a nurse or doctor. Then again maybe that would be kinda fun.